This is the earlier synopsis with some major (or at least I think so) modifications, not to mention that it’s complete.
At this point, I’m just sitting here with my eyes closed, pinching the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger as I basically daydream the crucial scene that will cover the Apparent Defeat and the Third Revelation, leading up to the Battle. With the rest of this synopsis in my head, hopefully something will occur to me.
Blunt Force Revised Treatment
An Original Screenplay by Melton Eduardo Cartes
(HERO)Sam Myles, a late twenties Iraq vet, wakes up from a nightmare gasping the word “No”. She’s sitting against a cinderblock wall.
Then she is deplaning at the airport in LA. (GHOST)We hear an audio flashback montage of events that she’s been through consisting of combat in Iraq, an Army debriefing that seemingly questions her account of things and threatens her with court martial, a sexual assault, and a conversation with her fiancé.
(ALLIES)She’s a sergeant and is wearing her Army fatigues as she carries her carry-on bag off the plane. Outside the terminal she meets her brother, Kevin, an early thirties psychotherapist. He’s there to welcome her home as well as give her the keys to her car. He has arranged a way to get to work which he runs off to in a hurry but only after apologizing for the tight schedule and promising to spend more meaningful time with her now that she’s home.
Sam gets in her car in the airport garage and her fiancé Carl is waiting in the passenger seat. They drive off. The radio has a report on denial in the financial market. It’s 2007 and some lone voices are trying to warn about the impending economic collapse.
(INCITING INCIDENT) Car Pile-up — On the freeway, heading home, an SUV next to Sam’s car has a tire blowout. It careens into her car, sparking a multi-car pile-up. The sounds of the blowout and the ensuing crash are LOUD and NERVE-WRACKING. So much so that Sam immediately goes on the defensive when a police officer arrives to help her. The problem is, it doesn’t look like he’s there to help her. It looks more like he thinks she’s the problem. She fights him, disarms him and ultimately shoots him.
Carl is injured from the crash, but before Sam can help him some men from black SUVs that drive up have abducted him. She’s too late to reach Carl and help him and can only watch as they all get back into their vehicles and screech off.
Sam is frantic, in a panic. She looks around desperately at the surrounding mess and the city beyond and sees streaking smoke drifting across the sky from far-off fires and explosions. Sam runs away but not before she grabs Carl’s shoulder bag that he had in the car.
(Allies) As Sam runs through the nearby creek and vegetation lining the freeway she runs into her best friend, Bats (which is short for Betty). (DESIRE)Together they compare notes and decide that they have to rescue Carl from whomever took him and hopefully find out why. Sam is in a panic but Bats helps calm her.
(Opponent – It occurred to me Kevin is actually Sam’s Opponent, despite being her brother, because they’re both fighting for the same thing, the accurate representation of reality. Sam is denying it, Kevin ultimately wants her to acknowledge and accept it.)Meanwhile, Sam’s brother Kevin gets a phone call at work from the police who are looking for the owner of Sam’s car (based on her registration). Apparently it was involved in a massive pile-up but no one is there who seems to account for it. Kevin is very alarmed and immediately offers to help.
(So that means that a flashback should occur here, showing Kevin meeting Sam at the airport. This will allow for this scene to be longer, more exposition and hopefully be more meaningful in this location. Moved from earlier.) She’s a sergeant and is wearing her Army fatigues as she carries her carry-on bag off the plane. Outside the terminal she meets her brother, Kevin, an early thirties psychotherapist. He’s there to welcome her home as well as give her the keys to her car. He has arranged a way to get to work which he runs off to in a hurry but only after apologizing for the tight schedule and promising to spend more meaningful time with her now that she’s home.
(Which makes Knapp the secondary opponent or the action storyline opponent, not the primary thematic opponent. Knapp represents a life of violence used as power. Kevin represents a life of acknowledging and dealing with reality and hopefully healing. Sam is stuck in between. OPPONENT 2)In another office Derek Knapp, Vice-President of WKCH private security firm and Group Director of Romeo, a security detachment working in Iraq, gets a phone call from a friend in the Army, alerting him to an email with a copy of the debriefing that was just done of Sam about her experience in Iraq. She’s been discharged from the Army but the report suggests that she continues to harbor a grievance due to what she claims happened to her. The friend is basically warning Knapp that Sam might be a loose cannon. Knapp immediately makes a phone call.
(FIRST REVELATION)Carl was abucted by WKCH — At Sam’s home she and Bats get a bunch of gear, including guns and ammo, (Sam gets out of her cammies) and using her laptop hack into the DMV database looking for the registered owners of the black SUVs. Sam recalls the plates partially. Frustrated, she tries a hunch and does a search for vehicles registered to WKCH, Inc. in the local area. She finds the two plates, or what is convincing enough for her to feel that she’s right.
(PLAN) Firefights at WKCH — Sam and Bats realize that they have to break into WKCH’s local offices to see if they can learn where they may have taken Carl.
Units dispatched by Knapp have begun prowling around the city, looking for Sam.
Sam and Bats sneak into the WKCH office building and get into a fire-fight with the guards there. They ably neutralize them and find Knapp’s office. Sam knows who Knapp is, having met him in Iraq in much the same way that she met Carl who was working from the same base as her. Since Knapp isn’t there they figure that his home is the best place to start. Finding a bill in his office they get his home address.
(OPPONENT’S PLAN/COUNTERATTACK)Kevin is with the Police Capt. who is in charge of the car pile-up. When news comes in of a break-in at WKCH, the situation escalates. Knapp shows up as well as he gets involved in the search. He has information (video) of Sam breaking in which confirms who they’re dealing with. Kevin is appalled and fears for what might actually be happening.
The dispatched units arrive at the office building and Sam and Bats have to escape. They run to a nearby construction site and have more fire-fights with SWAT and the WKCH Units until they manage to get away in a stolen car.
(DRIVE) Freeway Chase — They are pursued across the city and Sam drives onto a freeway, causing huge amounts of destruction as she tries to shake off her pursuers. She and Bats cause a lot of mayhem and get away.
Kevin tries calling (has been calling) Sam to talk her down.
(OBSESSIVE DRIVE)
Home Invasion — Sam and Bats find Knapp’s home and his wife and kids. Knapp’s wife is terrified by the home invasion and pleads that Sam not hurt her children. Sam and Bats usher the kids into a room or the neighbor’s (Sam has a moment with the older of the two children, recalling her childhood) and take the wife with them, maybe stuffing her in the trunk of their stolen car, tied and gagged. (Maybe Kevin’s her younger brother, not older.)
Sam finally answers Kevin’s phone call. Kevin tries to get some explanation from Sam as to what’s happening. She claims that Carl has been kidnapped. Kevin is stunned by what he’s hearing and tries to soothe her. But when she says that she’s kidnapped Knapp’s wife, Kevin objects to her actions. She hangs up.(ATTACK BY ALLY)
(AUDIENCE REVELATION) Carl is dead — On their end, Knapp has a momentary freak-out upon learning of his wife’s abduction. He smothers his true feelings and talks to Kevin and the Police Capt. about their next steps. The Police Capt (and Kevin) wonders why there’s a connection between Knapp and Sam.
Knapp looks at Kevin for the answer, manipulating the situation. Kevin reveals that Carl, Sam’s fiancé died in the same rescue attempt that saved her and most of her company from Iraqi insurgents who had captured and tortured them. They discuss what her motives might be but Knapp interrupts and leads them to what might be the best way to lure her to a safe place. Kevin agrees that stabilizing the situation is their first priority. One of them reiterates how important it is that they stop her before she causes any more mayhem.
Knapp explains that Sam believes Carl is alive and that they need to use that to lure her in. Kevin doesn’t like it but he has no alternative. Sam will try to contact Knapp to negotiate an exchange, Knapp’s wife for Carl. Fine, Knapp says. They’ll play along and Kevin can then get close enough to her to help control her, which may include tranquilizing her. Knapp grills Kevin for information, such as if he heard his wife in the background or anything like that. Kevin didn’t.
Knapp makes a phonecall to put a trace on his wife. Kevin and the Police Capt. are startled. Does Knapp’s wife have an implanted chip? Knapp tells them that her diamond Rolex watch does.
So, the plan is to wait for Sam’s phone call and at the same time locate her via the transponder in the watch. Then Kevin can meet Sam and hopefully talk her down, enough so that the police can move in and take her into custody. Knapp gets information on Sam’s current location and they move to intercept her. Knapp also alerts the Units to convene at that location.
(Obsessive Drive) Sam and Bats take Knapp’s wife to Sam’s high school. Sam’s high school has been abandoned and is awaiting demolition (Visit to Death). They have it all to themselves. They break in and hole up there. She knows the place, inside and out and finds a good hiding place.
Sam calls Knapp using a number she found in the bill from his office (or she barks it out of the wife…).
Knapp sees the call and ignores it. Kevin and the Police Capt. ask why. Knapp wants to get in position first before giving her the supposed advantage of dictating terms. She won’t expect Kevin to show up so quickly.
Sam complains to Bats that Knapp isn’t answering. Bats asks her what she’s going to do. Sam thinks out loud and comes up with a plan. The wife is either in the trunk of the car or at the high school, or both.
But then more negative thoughts flood in. She hates Knapp and ugly thoughts return. Bats suggests that Sam won’t be allowed to get away with it, too much has happened. Sam knows. Sam wonders if Carl’s even alive, but she stops that thought in its tracks and determines that she’ll just kill Knapp, in the very least. Sam reviews the papers that Carl had in his shoulder bag….
Kevin, Knapp and the police arrive and Knapp suggests that Kevin go to where Sam is hiding and try to talk her down. They give him a walkie-talkie and earpiece to be in communication, in case Sam resists and has to be forcibly removed. Knapp directs his (remaining?) Unit to assist the SWAT. Kevin is trussed up in a kevlar vest and approaches Sam’s location with the Unit and SWAT.
Sam makes the call again.
Knapp and the rest are watching Kevin and Co. approach. The phone rings and rings and just as a Unit member is about to open the door to Sam’s hiding place Knapp answers.
Sam spits out some demands. Knapp pretends to not know what’s going on. Sam goes through the whole thing, telling him she wants Carl back unhurt in exchange for Knapp’s wife. Knapp suggests that before they go through all that, that she speak to her brother who is right outside.
Sam is suddenly horrified (that wasn’t supposed to happen).
(Second Revelation)Kevin is working with Knapp — As the member of Knapp’s Unit (Squad?) opens the door they find Knapp’s wife bound and attached to a booby trap…that detonates.
Knapp and the Police Capt. are shocked. The Police Capt. calls for reinforcements while Knapp uses his resources to figure out what’s going on.
Sam rushes from her hiding place to where she had stowed the wife and sees the injured Unit and Swat members, including Kevin. Being behind the rest, he’s not as badly hurt. She and Bats grab him and hurry back to her hiding place.
(Gate, Gauntlet, Visit-to-Death)Sam flashes back to the various hallways she’s traveled through in Iraq when she was held by the insurgents, at the Army base leading to her briefing and now in the high school(?). (Maybe this is purely a visual thing, an editorial solution, a montage.)
(Apparent Defeat)Knapp’s wife is dead —Sam’s plan is screwed up, no leverage. “How’d they get here?” “What are you doing with them/Knapp?” Sam tends to Kevin and asks him what he’s doing with Knapp.
(Third Revelation)No Carl — She asks where Carl is. Kevin explains things from his end, but he doesn’t know what Sam knows, particularly about Knapp. She acts betrayed by Kevin and he insists that it’s nothing like that. Sam is deeply disappointed and angered that Carl is not there. It builds into a rage.
Sam decides and prepares to attack. Her last hope to get Carl is to get Knapp. Bats agrees.
But Knapp is lining up another one of his Units to attack Sam and Kevin while the police are distracted.
The Police Capt. hears Kevin over the earpiece and tries to get Kevin to tell him where they are. Sam finds it, takes it away and listens in until the Capt. realizes it’s been compromised. He alerts the remaining SWAT team of the new situation and to find their hideout.
(Battle)Knapp personally attacks Sam and Kevin (and Bats). — Using a satellite with thermal imaging, Knapp finds Sam’s and Kevin’s hideout on the school grounds; the old metal shop.
As soon as the Unit assembles outside the hideout they open fire on Knapp’s orders. The bullets rip through the walls, making Kevin and Sam duck for cover.
SWAT/Police Capt. hear the shooting and head to that location. Before they can arrive and gum up the works, Knapp rushes in.
Knapp kicks in the door, shooting. He doesn’t hit them but he spots Kevin who he knows is unarmed. He needs to find and neutralize Sam.
Sam and Knapp see each other and as they move they shoot at each other. Both are wearing vests. Knapp, an expert shot, hits Sam in the vest but misses hitting a head shot because she was moving aside. Sam hits Knapp in the vest, too, and the neck, dropping him.
She scrambles over to him and kicks his pistol out of his hand.
Sam demands to know where Carl is.
Kevin grabs his walkie (or yells outside) to SWAT/Police Capt. not to shoot. Kevin warns Knapp to be careful with what he says to Sam in her delicate state.
Bats eggs her on.
Sam demands to know where Carl is being kept. Knapp teases her as he tries to stanch the flow of blood from his neck. Sam threatens to kneecap him. Knapp chuckles and tells her that she already knows. “He’s dead, you crazy stupid bitch. You know this.”
Bats kicks Knapp. Knapp coughs up blood.
Kevin tries to keep Sam from killing Knapp.
Knapp’s bleeding out. He makes some comment that he should have had her killed along with Carl after he fucked her. Kevin is stunned. Sam is about to shoot Knapp but he dies from blood loss.
Sam is livid. Bats kicks Knapp’s dead body.
Kevin repeats to Police Capt. not to take action yet. He’s trying to talk Sam down so that they don’t kill her (or him) with more shooting.
For his part, Police Capt. has told Knapp’s Unit to stand down, which they reluctantly do.
Kevin tries to talk Sam down. He begins with why she’s doing all of this. She explains about Carl’s abduction. She refers to Bats and she shows Kevin Carl’s papers from his shoulder bag.
Bats tells Sam not to listen to Kevin.
Kevin asks Sam some specific questions. Sam answers them correctly, it seems. Finally Kevin tells her that Carl died in the rescue effort that saved Sam and the rest of her company from the insurgents who abducted them. Kevin finds some odd scribbles all over “Carl’s papers” which turn out to be psychological evaluations and medical reports and orders for Sam.
Bats tries to yell over Kevin but she can’t. Kevin drills in with a soothing voice and finally asks Sam what happened in Iraq that she was debriefed about just a few days ago.
(Self-Revelation) Carl is dead — the whole thing has been a psychotic break, except for the damage caused.
The truth comes crashing down on Sam. She finally answers Kevin by way of screaming an answer that she repeatedly gave in her debriefing (only that time she didn’t scream it). That answer is that Knapp raped her while at the army base where she was stationed. She told Carl and that’s why he was killed in the rescue effort.
Kevin is stunned.
Sam tries again, citing that Bats, who is standing right there, saw it all and can corroborate what Sam is saying to Kevin. Kevin reminds her that Bats drowned when she was nine.
Sam realizes that she’s hurt a lot of people and that Carl really is gone. She starts to implode right in front of Kevin’s eyes.
(Moral Decision) Sam retreats into her mind
Kevin can see that Sam has gone away and fights to get her to come back to him. He pleads with her as she slumps into a catatonia.
Suddenly the door to the metal shop explodes, taking down most of that wall. After the smoke clears Bats walks in with some gear for herself and Sam and tells her to go with her. Kevin has been knocked out and Sam says goodbye as she follows Bats outside to what appears to be a battle-torn landscape where things are much simpler, black and white.
(New Equilibrium) Clarity for Sam, peace of sorts, return to calm for world.
The End
This process has been a challenge. After setting up a fairly solid if not complete structure for the story, this process has consisted of a lot of intentional “daydreaming.” That allowed me to close the Gap that existed before, leading up to the Battle. I need to review this synopsis, but I think it’s ready for me to turn into a script. Since this is a rewrite, a lot of the script from draft 2 probably can remain. So, this rewrite will consist of adding the new material and editing the old to fit.
We’ll see how it turns out. Either way, it’s mailing out on Monday.
© The Trubyphiles and “Blunt Force” Copyright 2009 Melton Eduardo Cartes. All other copyrights are those of their respective owners.
