Blunt Force
An Original Screenplay by Melton Eduardo Cartes

Sam Miles, a late twenties Iraq vet, wakes up from a nightmare gasping the word “No”. She’s in a metal shop of some sort.

Then she is deplaning at the airport in LA. An audio flashback montage of events that she’s been through follows her on the way out, consisting of combat in Iraq, an Army debriefing that seemingly questions her account of things and threatens her with court martial, a sexual assault, and a conversation with her fiancé.

Sam gets in her car in the airport garage and her fiancé Carl Hollingsworth is waiting in the passenger seat. They drive off. The radio has a report on denial in the financial market. It’s 2007 and some lone voices are trying to warn about the impending economic collapse.

On the freeway, heading home, an SUV next to Sam’s car has a tire blowout. It careens into her car, sparking a multi-car pile-up. The sounds of the blowout and the ensuing crash are loud and nerve-wracking. So much so that Sam immediately goes on the defensive when a police officer arrives to help her. The problem is, it doesn’t look like he’s there to help her. It looks more like he thinks she’s the problem. She fights him, disarms him and ultimately shoots him.

Carl is injured from the crash, but before Sam can help him he’s abducted by some men from a black SUV.

Sam is frantic, in a panic. She looks around desperately at the surrounding mess and the city beyond and sees streaking smoke drifting across the sky from far-off fires and explosions. Sam runs away but not before she grabs Carl’s shoulder bag that he had in the car.

As Sam runs through the nearby creek and vegetation lining the freeway she runs into her best friend, Bats (which is short for Betty). Together they compare notes and decide that they have to rescue Carl from whomever took him and hopefully find out why. Sam is in a panic but Bats helps calm her.

Meanwhile, Sam’s psychiatrist brother Peter gets a phone call at his office from the police who are looking for the owner of Sam’s car (based on her registration). Apparently it was involved in a massive pileup but no one is there who seems to account for it. Peter is very alarmed and immediately offers to help.

A flashback occurs here, Sam is a sergeant and is wearing her Army fatigues as she carries her carry-on bag off the plane. Outside the terminal she meets Peter. He’s there to welcome her home as well as give her the keys to her car. He has arranged a way to get to work which he runs off to in a hurry but only after apologizing for the tight schedule and promising to spend more meaningful time with her now that she’s home.

In another office Derek Knapp, Vice-President of WKCH private security firm and Group Director of Romeo, a security detachment working in Iraq, gets a phone call from a friend in the Army, alerting him to an email with a copy of the debriefing that was just done of Sam about her experience in Iraq. She’s been discharged from the Army but the report suggests that she continues to harbor a grievance due to what she claims happened to her. The friend is basically warning Knapp that Sam might be a loose cannon. Knapp immediately makes a phone call.

At Sam’s home she and Bats get a bunch of gear, including guns and ammo. Sam gets out of her cammies and using her laptop hacks into the DMV database looking for the registered owners of the black SUVs. Sam recalls the plates partially. Frustrated, she tries a hunch and does a search for vehicles registered to WKCH, Inc. in the local area. She finds the two plates, or what is convincing enough for her to feel that she’s right.

Sam and Bats realize that they have to break into WKCH’s local offices to see if they can learn where they may have taken Carl.

Units dispatched by Knapp have begun prowling around the city, looking for Sam.

Sam and Bats sneak into the WKCH office building and get into a fire-fight with the guards there. They ably neutralize them and find Knapp’s office. Sam knows who Knapp is, having met him in Iraq in much the same way that she met Carl who was working from the same base as her. Since Knapp isn’t there they figure that his home is the best place to start. Finding a bill in his office they get his home address.

Peter is with Sgt. Rivera who is in charge of clearing up the car pile-up. When news comes in of a break-in at WKCH, the situation escalates. Knapp shows up as well as he gets involved in the search. He has information (video) of Sam breaking in which confirms who they’re dealing with. Peter is appalled and fears for what might actually be happening.

The dispatched units arrive at the office building and Sam and Bats have to escape. They run to a nearby construction site and have more fire-fights with commandos— SWAT and the WKCH Units— until they manage to get away in a stolen car.

They are pursued across the city and Sam drives onto a freeway, causing huge amounts of destruction as she tries to shake off her pursuers. She and Bats cause a lot of mayhem and get away.

Peter tries calling, has been calling, Sam to talk her down to no avail. She won’t answer her phone.

Sam and Bats find Knapp’s home and his wife and kids. Knapp’s wife is terrified by the home invasion and pleads that Sam not hurt her children. Sam and Bats usher the kids to the neighbor’s — Sam has a moment with the older of the two children, recalling her own childhood — and take the wife with them, stuffing her in the trunk of their stolen car, tied and gagged.

Sam finally answers Peter’s phone call. He tries to get some explanation from Sam as to what’s happening. Breathlessly, she claims that Carl has been kidnapped and that she has to rescue him. Peter is stunned by what he’s hearing and tries to soothe her. But when she says that she’s kidnapped Knapp’s wife, Peter objects to her actions and pleads with her to stop this and turn herself in. She hangs up.

On their end, Knapp has a momentary freak-out upon learning of his wife’s abduction. He smothers his true feelings and talks to Peter and Sgt. Rivera about their next steps. Sgt. Rivera and Peter wonder what the connection is between Knapp and Sam.

Knapp looks at Peter for the answer, manipulating the situation. Peter reveals that Carl, Sam’s fiancé died in the same rescue attempt that saved her and most of her company from Iraqi insurgents who had captured and tortured them. They discuss what her motives might be but Knapp interrupts and leads them to what might be the best way to lure her to a safe place. Peter agrees that stabilizing the situation is their first priority. One of them reiterates how important it is that they stop her before she causes any more mayhem.

Knapp explains that Sam believes Carl is alive and that they need to use that to lure her in. Peter doesn’t like it but he has no alternative. Sam will try to contact Knapp to negotiate an exchange, Knapp’s wife for Carl. Fine, Knapp says. They’ll play along and Peter can then get close enough to her to help control her, which may include tranquilizing her. Knapp grills Peter for information, such as if he heard his wife in the background or anything like that, but Peter has nothing more to offer.

Knapp makes a phonecall to put a trace on his wife. Peter and Sgt. Rivera are startled. Does Knapp’s wife have an implanted chip? Knapp tells them that her diamond Rolex watch does.

So, the plan is to wait for Sam’s phone call and at the same time locate her via the transponder in the watch. Then Peter can meet Sam and hopefully talk her down, enough so that the police can move in and take her into custody. Knapp gets information on Sam’s current location and they move to intercept her. Knapp also alerts the Units to convene at that location.

Sam and Bats take Knapp’s wife to Sam’s old high school. Sam’s high school has been abandoned and is awaiting demolition so they have it all to themselves. They break in and hole up there. She knows the place, inside and out and finds a good hiding place. They immediately get busy preparing themselves and securing Knapp’s wife in a room.

Sam calls Knapp using his wife’s cellphone.

Knapp sees the call and ignores it. Peter and Sgt. Rivera ask why. Knapp wants to get in position first before giving her the supposed advantage of dictating terms. She won’t expect Peter to show up so quickly.

Sam complains to Bats that Knapp isn’t answering. Bats asks her what she’s going to do. Sam thinks out loud and comes up with a plan but Bats points out that Sam can’t trust Knapp.

More negative thoughts flood into Sam’s mind. She hates Knapp and ugly thoughts return. Bats suggests that Sam won’t be allowed to get away with it, too much has happened. Sam knows. Sam wonders if Carl’s even alive, but she stops that thought in its tracks and determines that she’ll just kill Knapp, in the very least. Sam turns her attention to the papers that Carl had in his shoulder bag.

Peter, Knapp and the police arrive and Knapp suggests that Peter go to where Sam is hiding and try to talk her down. They give him a walkie-talkie and earpiece to be in communication, in case Sam resists and has to be forcibly removed. Knapp directs his men to assist the SWAT. Peter is trussed up in a kevlar vest and approaches Sam’s location just behind the Romeo Unit and SWAT.

Sam makes the call again.

Knapp and the rest are watching Peter and the rest approach. The phone rings and rings and just as a Unit member is about to open the door to Sam’s hiding place Knapp answers.

Sam spits out some demands. Knapp pretends to not know what’s going on. Sam goes through the whole thing, telling him she wants Carl back unhurt in exchange for Knapp’s wife. Knapp suggests that before they go through all that, that she speak to her brother who is right outside.

Sam is suddenly horrified; that wasn’t supposed to happen.

As the member of Knapp’s Unit opens the door they find Knapp’s wife bound and attached to a booby trap…that detonates.

Knapp and Sgt. Rivera are stunned. Sgt. Rivera calls for reinforcements while Knapp uses his resources to figure out what’s going on.

Sam rushes from her hiding place to where she had stowed the wife and sees the injured and dying Unit and Swat members, including Peter. Being behind the rest, he’s not as badly hurt. She and Bats grab him and hurry back to her hiding place. As she drags Peter, Sam flashes back to the various hallways she’s traveled through in Iraq when she was held by the insurgents, at the Army base leading to her briefing and now in the high school.

Sam’s plan is screwed up, no leverage. Sam tends to Peter and but she’s extremely disturbed by these developments and asks him what he’s doing with Knapp, let alone the police. Pete explains that it’s the police, as if to ask, what else could he have done given the circumstances.

She asks where Carl is; she assumes they have him there with them. Peter explains things from his end, trying not to blurt out the truth that Sam apparently is denying. But he doesn’t know what Sam knows, particularly about Knapp. She acts betrayed by Peter and he insists that it’s nothing like that. Sam is deeply disappointed and angered that Carl is not there. It builds into a rage.

Sam decides to attack. Her last hope to get Carl is to get Knapp. Bats agrees.

But while the police are distracted Knapp has lined up his remaining Unit to attack Sam and Peter.

Sgt. Rivera hears Peter over the earpiece and tries to get Peter to tell him where they are. Sam finds it, takes it away and listens in until Rivera realizes it’s been compromised. He alerts the remaining SWAT team of the new situation and orders them to find their hideout.

Using a company satellite with thermal imaging, Knapp finds Sam’s and Peter’s hideout on the school grounds; the old metal shop.

As soon as the Unit assembles outside the hideout they open fire on Knapp’s orders. The bullets rip through the walls, making Peter and Sam duck for cover.

SWAT and Sgt. Rivera hear the shooting and head to that location. Before they can arrive and gum up the works, Knapp kicks in the door, shooting. He doesn’t hit them but he spots Peter who he knows is unarmed. He needs to find and neutralize Sam.

Sam and Knapp see each other and as they move they shoot at each other. Both are wearing vests. Knapp, an expert shot, hits Sam in the vest but misses hitting a head shot because she was moving aside. Sam hits Knapp in the vest, too, and the neck, dropping him.

She scrambles over to him and kicks his pistol out of his hand and demands to know where Carl is.

Peter grabs his walkie-talkie and yells to Sgt. Rivera not to shoot. Peter warns Knapp to be careful with what he says to Sam in her delicate state.

Bats eggs her on to kill Knapp for what he’s done.

Sam demands to know where Carl is being kept. Knapp teases her as he tries to stanch the flow of blood from his neck. Sam threatens to kneecap him. Knapp chuckles and tells her that she already knows. “He’s dead, you crazy stupid bitch. You know this.”

Bats kicks Knapp. Knapp coughs up blood. Peter tries to keep Sam from killing Knapp.

Knapp’s bleeding out. He makes some comment that he should have had her killed along with Carl after he fucked her. Peter is stunned to hear this. Sam is about to shoot Knapp but he dies from blood loss.

Sam is livid. Bats kicks Knapp’s dead body.

Peter repeats to Sgt. Rivera not to take action yet so that they don’t kill her (or him) with more shooting; he’s trying to talk Sam down.

For his part, Sgt. Rivera arrests Knapp’s Unit, who have clearly gone out of control.

Peter tries to talk Sam down. He begins with why she’s doing all of this. She explains about Carl’s abduction. She refers to Bats and she shows Peter Carl’s papers from his shoulder bag.

Bats tells Sam not to listen to Peter.

Peter asks Sam some specific questions. Sam answers them correctly, it seems. Finally Peter tells her that Carl died in the rescue effort that saved Sam and the rest of her company from the insurgents who abducted them. Peter finds some odd scribbles all over “Carl’s papers” which turn out to be psychological evaluations and medical reports and orders for Sam.

Bats tries to yell over Peter but she can’t. Peter drills in with a soothing voice and finally asks Sam what happened in Iraq that she was debriefed about just a few days ago.

Sam realizes that the whole thing has been a psychotic break, except for the damage she’s caused.

The truth comes crashing down on Sam. She finally answers Peter by way of screaming an answer that she repeatedly gave in her debriefing (only that time she didn’t scream it). That answer is that Knapp raped her while at the army base where she was stationed. She told Carl and that’s why he was killed in the rescue effort.

Peter is stunned.

Sam tries again, citing that Bats, who is standing right there, saw it all and can corroborate what Sam is saying to Peter. Peter reminds her that Bats drowned when she was nine. She looks around the shop and Bats is no longer there.

Sam realizes that she’s hurt a lot of people and that Carl really is gone. She starts to implode right in front of Peter’s eyes.

Peter can see that Sam has gone away and fights to get her to come back to him. He pleads with her as she slumps into a sudden catatonia.

Suddenly the door to the metal shop explodes, taking down most of that wall. After the smoke clears Bats walks in with some gear for herself and Sam and tells her to go with her. Peter has been knocked out and Sam says goodbye as she follows Bats outside to what appears to be a battle-torn landscape where things are much simpler, black and white, violent and painful but manageable in their polarized simplicity. For Sam and Bats it’s Us against Them.

The End

© The Trubyphiles and “Blunt Force” Copyright 2009 Melton Eduardo Cartes. All other copyrights are those of their respective owners.

I wrote pretty much all day yesterday, Sunday and went to bed around 3:30am (Monday). This morning I printed out a small version of the script (4-up layout) and tried to read through it again for typos, basic inconsistencies and a last minute hope at a tweak that would make it sing.

I found some good things and one major callback opportunity for what is now the very first image in the script, that is a “flashforward.” So, it made sense to catch that and call it back in the Battle.

Overall, I don’t know if it’s any better. I think it is. After my spellcheck and the final printout, I read as much of the last part as I could on my walk to the post office.

Sam’s self-revelation is the hardest thing to make powerful and concise, particularly given all of the trauma I’ve thrown on this character. But I do think that this draft is leaner and gets to the self-revelation in a more concrete way. It’s not given to her so much, as it had been before.

The previous draft was 112 pages long. Draft 3 bloomed to 126 pages, but that was the new stuff pushing a lot of the old, longer stuff, further back in page count. The final page count is a respectable 100 pages. I was a little concerned when it was dipping to 96 or so. That’s not bad, by all accounts, but 89 would have been alarming.

So, 100 pages is just fine.

I do think that the scenes and the big set pieces leading up to the actual battle work better now. There’s one reveal that you can see in the synopsis that I think works really well. I think in the synopsis it says that Knapp’s wife is shot and killed when he sends his men to attack Sam, thinking that his men will easily overwhelm Sam and save his wife.

But as I was percolating on the script and once I started actually revising it, the notion popped into my head that Sam could place Knapp’s wife in a separate location from where she and Bats were hiding. It could be a location that they could see from their hiding place, but not the same “cul de sac.”

Added to that was the notion that’s in the synopsis of Knapp locating his kidnapped wife by way of a locator chip in her fancy Rolex watch. This gave me the opportunity to have Knapp push forward, assuming he has the overview of the situation thanks to his self-identity, his experience, and his technological resources and also assuming that Sam is just a stupid female.

That set him up to put his wife in mortal danger. The final detail that occurred to me was to have Sam (and Bats) create a booby-trap device that would kill Knapp’s wife if he forced the door open. My notion was that without making a big deal about it, Sam could just be smart about the impending exchange of hostages, Knapp’s wife in return for Carl. And in so doing, she would put the wife in a place that she could control, either directly or by way of a gimmick, such as a booby-trapped door.

So, I’m pretty happy about how that plot device plays with the thematic issues for all of the characters. Knapp’s decisions hurt someone he apparently loves. Sam’s self-protective measures hurt the person she’s using for leverage as well as her brother and many others.

Lastly, this plot device is a great Apparent Defeat because any leverage Sam thought she had by kidnapping Knapp’s wife was lost when she died. That then makes it seem that Sam’s plan and desire to rescue Carl has pretty much been defeated.

The very ending of Sam retreating into her mind I think still works. I hope the journey there supports it more by being more succinct. But I do wish I felt stronger about the Self-Revelation.

But that’s just it. I think that good storytelling or screenwriting really boils down to creating great self-revelations. Otherwise, all you have is a movie with a lot of stuff happening, some of it cool, some of it not, but none of it ever sinks into your bones in that classic memorable way that the great films do.

All told, it took about a week to hammer out the new synopsis and about three days to create a revised draft.

I hope this journal was interesting and I’d love to hear from anyone with any questions, comments or tips.

Wish me luck.

At this point, I’m just sitting here with my eyes closed, pinching the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger as I basically daydream the crucial scene that will cover the Apparent Defeat and the Third Revelation, leading up to the Battle. With the rest of this synopsis in my head, hopefully something will occur to me.

Blunt Force Revised Treatment

An Original Screenplay by Melton Eduardo Cartes

(HERO)Sam Myles, a late twenties Iraq vet, wakes up from a nightmare gasping the word “No”. She’s sitting against a cinderblock wall.

Then she is deplaning at the airport in LA. (GHOST)We hear an audio flashback montage of events that she’s been through consisting of combat in Iraq, an Army debriefing that seemingly questions her account of things and threatens her with court martial, a sexual assault, and a conversation with her fiancé.

(ALLIES)She’s a sergeant and is wearing her Army fatigues as she carries her carry-on bag off the plane. Outside the terminal she meets her brother, Kevin, an early thirties psychotherapist. He’s there to welcome her home as well as give her the keys to her car. He has arranged a way to get to work which he runs off to in a hurry but only after apologizing for the tight schedule and promising to spend more meaningful time with her now that she’s home.

Sam gets in her car in the airport garage and her fiancé Carl is waiting in the passenger seat. They drive off. The radio has a report on denial in the financial market. It’s 2007 and some lone voices are trying to warn about the impending economic collapse.

(INCITING INCIDENT) Car Pile-up — On the freeway, heading home, an SUV next to Sam’s car has a tire blowout. It careens into her car, sparking a multi-car pile-up. The sounds of the blowout and the ensuing crash are LOUD and NERVE-WRACKING. So much so that Sam immediately goes on the defensive when a police officer arrives to help her. The problem is, it doesn’t look like he’s there to help her. It looks more like he thinks she’s the problem. She fights him, disarms him and ultimately shoots him.

Carl is injured from the crash, but before Sam can help him some men from black SUVs that drive up have abducted him. She’s too late to reach Carl and help him and can only watch as they all get back into their vehicles and screech off.

Sam is frantic, in a panic. She looks around desperately at the surrounding mess and the city beyond and sees streaking smoke drifting across the sky from far-off fires and explosions. Sam runs away but not before she grabs Carl’s shoulder bag that he had in the car.

(Allies) As Sam runs through the nearby creek and vegetation lining the freeway she runs into her best friend, Bats (which is short for Betty). (DESIRE)Together they compare notes and decide that they have to rescue Carl from whomever took him and hopefully find out why. Sam is in a panic but Bats helps calm her.

(Opponent – It occurred to me Kevin is actually Sam’s Opponent, despite being her brother, because they’re both fighting for the same thing, the accurate representation of reality. Sam is denying it, Kevin ultimately wants her to acknowledge and accept it.)Meanwhile, Sam’s brother Kevin gets a phone call at work from the police who are looking for the owner of Sam’s car (based on her registration). Apparently it was involved in a massive pile-up but no one is there who seems to account for it. Kevin is very alarmed and immediately offers to help.

(So that means that a flashback should occur here, showing Kevin meeting Sam at the airport. This will allow for this scene to be longer, more exposition and hopefully be more meaningful in this location. Moved from earlier.) She’s a sergeant and is wearing her Army fatigues as she carries her carry-on bag off the plane. Outside the terminal she meets her brother, Kevin, an early thirties psychotherapist. He’s there to welcome her home as well as give her the keys to her car. He has arranged a way to get to work which he runs off to in a hurry but only after apologizing for the tight schedule and promising to spend more meaningful time with her now that she’s home.

(Which makes Knapp the secondary opponent or the action storyline opponent, not the primary thematic opponent. Knapp represents a life of violence used as power. Kevin represents a life of acknowledging and dealing with reality and hopefully healing. Sam is stuck in between. OPPONENT 2)In another office Derek Knapp, Vice-President of WKCH private security firm and Group Director of Romeo, a security detachment working in Iraq, gets a phone call from a friend in the Army, alerting him to an email with a copy of the debriefing that was just done of Sam about her experience in Iraq. She’s been discharged from the Army but the report suggests that she continues to harbor a grievance due to what she claims happened to her. The friend is basically warning Knapp that Sam might be a loose cannon. Knapp immediately makes a phone call.

(FIRST REVELATION)Carl was abucted by WKCH — At Sam’s home she and Bats get a bunch of gear, including guns and ammo, (Sam gets out of her cammies) and using her laptop hack into the DMV database looking for the registered owners of the black SUVs. Sam recalls the plates partially. Frustrated, she tries a hunch and does a search for vehicles registered to WKCH, Inc. in the local area. She finds the two plates, or what is convincing enough for her to feel that she’s right.

(PLAN) Firefights at WKCH — Sam and Bats realize that they have to break into WKCH’s local offices to see if they can learn where they may have taken Carl.

Units dispatched by Knapp have begun prowling around the city, looking for Sam.

Sam and Bats sneak into the WKCH office building and get into a fire-fight with the guards there. They ably neutralize them and find Knapp’s office. Sam knows who Knapp is, having met him in Iraq in much the same way that she met Carl who was working from the same base as her. Since Knapp isn’t there they figure that his home is the best place to start. Finding a bill in his office they get his home address.

(OPPONENT’S PLAN/COUNTERATTACK)Kevin is with the Police Capt. who is in charge of the car pile-up. When news comes in of a break-in at WKCH, the situation escalates. Knapp shows up as well as he gets involved in the search. He has information (video) of Sam breaking in which confirms who they’re dealing with. Kevin is appalled and fears for what might actually be happening.

The dispatched units arrive at the office building and Sam and Bats have to escape. They run to a nearby construction site and have more fire-fights with SWAT and the WKCH Units until they manage to get away in a stolen car.

(DRIVE) Freeway Chase — They are pursued across the city and Sam drives onto a freeway, causing huge amounts of destruction as she tries to shake off her pursuers. She and Bats cause a lot of mayhem and get away.

Kevin tries calling (has been calling) Sam to talk her down.
(OBSESSIVE DRIVE)
Home Invasion — Sam and Bats find Knapp’s home and his wife and kids. Knapp’s wife is terrified by the home invasion and pleads that Sam not hurt her children. Sam and Bats usher the kids into a room or the neighbor’s (Sam has a moment with the older of the two children, recalling her childhood) and take the wife with them, maybe stuffing her in the trunk of their stolen car, tied and gagged. (Maybe Kevin’s her younger brother, not older.)

Sam finally answers Kevin’s phone call. Kevin tries to get some explanation from Sam as to what’s happening. She claims that Carl has been kidnapped. Kevin is stunned by what he’s hearing and tries to soothe her. But when she says that she’s kidnapped Knapp’s wife, Kevin objects to her actions. She hangs up.(ATTACK BY ALLY)

(AUDIENCE REVELATION) Carl is dead — On their end, Knapp has a momentary freak-out upon learning of his wife’s abduction. He smothers his true feelings and talks to Kevin and the Police Capt. about their next steps. The Police Capt (and Kevin) wonders why there’s a connection between Knapp and Sam.

Knapp looks at Kevin for the answer, manipulating the situation. Kevin reveals that Carl, Sam’s fiancé died in the same rescue attempt that saved her and most of her company from Iraqi insurgents who had captured and tortured them. They discuss what her motives might be but Knapp interrupts and leads them to what might be the best way to lure her to a safe place. Kevin agrees that stabilizing the situation is their first priority. One of them reiterates how important it is that they stop her before she causes any more mayhem.

Knapp explains that Sam believes Carl is alive and that they need to use that to lure her in. Kevin doesn’t like it but he has no alternative. Sam will try to contact Knapp to negotiate an exchange, Knapp’s wife for Carl. Fine, Knapp says. They’ll play along and Kevin can then get close enough to her to help control her, which may include tranquilizing her. Knapp grills Kevin for information, such as if he heard his wife in the background or anything like that. Kevin didn’t.

Knapp makes a phonecall to put a trace on his wife. Kevin and the Police Capt. are startled. Does Knapp’s wife have an implanted chip? Knapp tells them that her diamond Rolex watch does.

So, the plan is to wait for Sam’s phone call and at the same time locate her via the transponder in the watch. Then Kevin can meet Sam and hopefully talk her down, enough so that the police can move in and take her into custody. Knapp gets information on Sam’s current location and they move to intercept her. Knapp also alerts the Units to convene at that location.

(Obsessive Drive) Sam and Bats take Knapp’s wife to Sam’s high school. Sam’s high school has been abandoned and is awaiting demolition (Visit to Death). They have it all to themselves. They break in and hole up there. She knows the place, inside and out and finds a good hiding place.

Sam calls Knapp using a number she found in the bill from his office (or she barks it out of the wife…).

Knapp sees the call and ignores it. Kevin and the Police Capt. ask why. Knapp wants to get in position first before giving her the supposed advantage of dictating terms. She won’t expect Kevin to show up so quickly.

Sam complains to Bats that Knapp isn’t answering. Bats asks her what she’s going to do. Sam thinks out loud and comes up with a plan. The wife is either in the trunk of the car or at the high school, or both.

But then more negative thoughts flood in. She hates Knapp and ugly thoughts return. Bats suggests that Sam won’t be allowed to get away with it, too much has happened. Sam knows. Sam wonders if Carl’s even alive, but she stops that thought in its tracks and determines that she’ll just kill Knapp, in the very least. Sam reviews the papers that Carl had in his shoulder bag….

Kevin, Knapp and the police arrive and Knapp suggests that Kevin go to where Sam is hiding and try to talk her down. They give him a walkie-talkie and earpiece to be in communication, in case Sam resists and has to be forcibly removed. Knapp directs his (remaining?) Unit to assist the SWAT. Kevin is trussed up in a kevlar vest and approaches Sam’s location with the Unit and SWAT.

Sam makes the call again.

Knapp and the rest are watching Kevin and Co. approach. The phone rings and rings and just as a Unit member is about to open the door to Sam’s hiding place Knapp answers.

Sam spits out some demands. Knapp pretends to not know what’s going on. Sam goes through the whole thing, telling him she wants Carl back unhurt in exchange for Knapp’s wife. Knapp suggests that before they go through all that, that she speak to her brother who is right outside.

Sam is suddenly horrified (that wasn’t supposed to happen).

(Second Revelation)Kevin is working with Knapp — As the member of Knapp’s Unit (Squad?) opens the door they find Knapp’s wife bound and attached to a booby trap…that detonates.

Knapp and the Police Capt. are shocked. The Police Capt. calls for reinforcements while Knapp uses his resources to figure out what’s going on.

Sam rushes from her hiding place to where she had stowed the wife and sees the injured Unit and Swat members, including Kevin. Being behind the rest, he’s not as badly hurt. She and Bats grab him and hurry back to her hiding place.

(Gate, Gauntlet, Visit-to-Death)Sam flashes back to the various hallways she’s traveled through in Iraq when she was held by the insurgents, at the Army base leading to her briefing and now in the high school(?). (Maybe this is purely a visual thing, an editorial solution, a montage.)

(Apparent Defeat)Knapp’s wife is dead —Sam’s plan is screwed up, no leverage. “How’d they get here?” “What are you doing with them/Knapp?” Sam tends to Kevin and asks him what he’s doing with Knapp.

(Third Revelation)No Carl — She asks where Carl is. Kevin explains things from his end, but he doesn’t know what Sam knows, particularly about Knapp. She acts betrayed by Kevin and he insists that it’s nothing like that. Sam is deeply disappointed and angered that Carl is not there. It builds into a rage.

Sam decides and prepares to attack. Her last hope to get Carl is to get Knapp. Bats agrees.

But Knapp is lining up another one of his Units to attack Sam and Kevin while the police are distracted.

The Police Capt. hears Kevin over the earpiece and tries to get Kevin to tell him where they are. Sam finds it, takes it away and listens in until the Capt. realizes it’s been compromised. He alerts the remaining SWAT team of the new situation and to find their hideout.

(Battle)Knapp personally attacks Sam and Kevin (and Bats). — Using a satellite with thermal imaging, Knapp finds Sam’s and Kevin’s hideout on the school grounds; the old metal shop.

As soon as the Unit assembles outside the hideout they open fire on Knapp’s orders. The bullets rip through the walls, making Kevin and Sam duck for cover.

SWAT/Police Capt. hear the shooting and head to that location. Before they can arrive and gum up the works, Knapp rushes in.

Knapp kicks in the door, shooting. He doesn’t hit them but he spots Kevin who he knows is unarmed. He needs to find and neutralize Sam.

Sam and Knapp see each other and as they move they shoot at each other. Both are wearing vests. Knapp, an expert shot, hits Sam in the vest but misses hitting a head shot because she was moving aside. Sam hits Knapp in the vest, too, and the neck, dropping him.

She scrambles over to him and kicks his pistol out of his hand.

Sam demands to know where Carl is.

Kevin grabs his walkie (or yells outside) to SWAT/Police Capt. not to shoot. Kevin warns Knapp to be careful with what he says to Sam in her delicate state.

Bats eggs her on.

Sam demands to know where Carl is being kept. Knapp teases her as he tries to stanch the flow of blood from his neck. Sam threatens to kneecap him. Knapp chuckles and tells her that she already knows. “He’s dead, you crazy stupid bitch. You know this.”

Bats kicks Knapp. Knapp coughs up blood.

Kevin tries to keep Sam from killing Knapp.

Knapp’s bleeding out. He makes some comment that he should have had her killed along with Carl after he fucked her. Kevin is stunned. Sam is about to shoot Knapp but he dies from blood loss.

Sam is livid. Bats kicks Knapp’s dead body.

Kevin repeats to Police Capt. not to take action yet. He’s trying to talk Sam down so that they don’t kill her (or him) with more shooting.

For his part, Police Capt. has told Knapp’s Unit to stand down, which they reluctantly do.

Kevin tries to talk Sam down. He begins with why she’s doing all of this. She explains about Carl’s abduction. She refers to Bats and she shows Kevin Carl’s papers from his shoulder bag.

Bats tells Sam not to listen to Kevin.

Kevin asks Sam some specific questions. Sam answers them correctly, it seems. Finally Kevin tells her that Carl died in the rescue effort that saved Sam and the rest of her company from the insurgents who abducted them. Kevin finds some odd scribbles all over “Carl’s papers” which turn out to be psychological evaluations and medical reports and orders for Sam.

Bats tries to yell over Kevin but she can’t. Kevin drills in with a soothing voice and finally asks Sam what happened in Iraq that she was debriefed about just a few days ago.

(Self-Revelation) Carl is dead — the whole thing has been a psychotic break, except for the damage caused.

The truth comes crashing down on Sam. She finally answers Kevin by way of screaming an answer that she repeatedly gave in her debriefing (only that time she didn’t scream it). That answer is that Knapp raped her while at the army base where she was stationed. She told Carl and that’s why he was killed in the rescue effort.

Kevin is stunned.

Sam tries again, citing that Bats, who is standing right there, saw it all and can corroborate what Sam is saying to Kevin. Kevin reminds her that Bats drowned when she was nine.

Sam realizes that she’s hurt a lot of people and that Carl really is gone. She starts to implode right in front of Kevin’s eyes.

(Moral Decision) Sam retreats into her mind

Kevin can see that Sam has gone away and fights to get her to come back to him. He pleads with her as she slumps into a catatonia.

Suddenly the door to the metal shop explodes, taking down most of that wall. After the smoke clears Bats walks in with some gear for herself and Sam and tells her to go with her. Kevin has been knocked out and Sam says goodbye as she follows Bats outside to what appears to be a battle-torn landscape where things are much simpler, black and white.

(New Equilibrium) Clarity for Sam, peace of sorts, return to calm for world.

The End

This process has been a challenge. After setting up a fairly solid if not complete structure for the story, this process has consisted of a lot of intentional “daydreaming.” That allowed me to close the Gap that existed before, leading up to the Battle. I need to review this synopsis, but I think it’s ready for me to turn into a script. Since this is a rewrite, a lot of the script from draft 2 probably can remain. So, this rewrite will consist of adding the new material and editing the old to fit.

We’ll see how it turns out. Either way, it’s mailing out on Monday.

© The Trubyphiles and “Blunt Force” Copyright 2009 Melton Eduardo Cartes. All other copyrights are those of their respective owners.

I’m about to post a revised synopsis. Stay tuned.

You could hear the brains getting bigger.

1. Matt —
   Matt Mullenweg’s opening presentation was wonderful. He’s a charming and able public speaker who clearly is passionate about what WordPress makes possible and all those who feel that way too.
2. The other Matt —
   Matt Cutts, in his presentation on WordPress and SEO, joked that he wished that he was the highest ranked “Matt” on Google, but instead it was Matt Mullenweg. Matt Cutts is also a charming and able public speaker and quite probably a stand-up comedian. Finally, a confirmation of what I had suspected, that WordPress, because of the way it’s been put together, takes care of 80-90% of Search Engine Optimization for a website built on it. He a had lot of great, grounded points about improving your own SEO and what to avoid, all of which you can see for yourself at WordPress.tv soon.
3. Andy Peatling —
   This presentation really made me happy because it dealt mostly with WordPress MU and the newly announced BuddyPress installation that together seem to add a whole lot more functionality to a WordPress-based website than I thought possible. Suffice it to say that one of my next to-do items is to install WordPress MU and BuddyPress and see what they can do.
4. Matt Mullenweg’s Q&A —
   I’ve found that Q&As at conferences tend to dredge up the dumbest questions. That was not the case here, happily. In fact, I learned a lot just from the Q&A. For instance, I need to look into P2…
5. The awesome catered BBQ lunch.
6. Meeting other very cool WordPress developers from the moment I stepped off of the train to Mission Bay. Now I can actually ask someone some questions in realtime rather than on a forum, and return the favor, hopefully.
7. The cool T-shirt that came with the ticket price. Thanks! (Lunch and a T-shirt?)
8. Getting a much better sense of what the term “developer” really means.
9. Getting exposed to (just some of) the many faces and executions of WordPress, the platform that allows you to offer your clients a solid and scalable website platform…that they can edit!
10. The Anniversary Party at the Automattic Lounge! (Lunch, a T-shirt and a party?)
11. Matt Cutt’s suggestion to focus on adding relevant content on your website, such as writing a post entitled, “The Top 11 Best Things About WordCamp SF 2009” or something to that effect.

Very, very cool. Thanks WordPress/Automattic! …and everyone else!

When’s the next one?

(Originally posted at AnAdGuy.com.)

Blunt Force Treatment

An Original Screenplay by Melton Eduardo Cartes

(HERO)Sam Myles, a late twenties Iraq vet, is deplaning at the airport in LA. (GHOST)We hear an audio flashback montage of events that she’s been through consisting of combat in Iraq, an Army debriefing that seemingly questions her account of things and threatens her with court martial, a sexual assault, and a conversation with her fiancé.

(ALLIES)She’s a sergeant and is wearing her Army fatigues as she carries her carry-on bag off the plane. Outside the terminal she meets her brother, Kevin, an early thirties psychotherapist. He’s there to welcome her home as well as give her the keys to her car. He has arranged a way to get to work which he runs off to in a hurry but only after apologizing for the tight schedule and promising to spend more meaningful time with her now that she’s home.

She gets in her car in the airport garage and her fiancé Carl is waiting in the passenger seat. They drive off. The radio has a report on denial in the financial market. It’s 2007 and some lone voices are trying to warn about the impending economic collapse.

(INCITING INCIDENT) Car Pile-up — On the freeway, heading home, an SUV next to Sam’s car has a tire blowout. It careens into her car, sparking a multi-car pile-up. The sounds of the blowout and the ensuing crash are LOUD and NERVE-WRACKING. So much so that Sam immediately goes on the defensive when a police officer arrives to help her. The problem is, it doesn’t look like he’s there to help her. It looks more like he thinks she’s the problem. She fights him, disarms him and ultimately shoots him.

Carl is injured from the crash, but before Sam can help him some men from black SUVs that drive up have abducted him. She’s too late to reach Carl and help him and can only watch as they all get back into their vehicles and screech off.

Sam is frantic, in a panic. She looks around desperately at the surrounding mess and the city beyond and sees streaking smoke drifting across the sky from far-off fires and explosions. Sam runs away but not before she grabs Carl’s shoulder bag that he had in the car.

As Sam runs through the nearby creek and vegetation lining the freeway she runs into her best friend, Bats (which is short for Betty). (DESIRE)Together they compare notes and decide that they have to rescue Carl from whomever took him and hopefully find out why. Sam is in a panic but Bats helps calm her.

Meanwhile, Kevin gets a phone call at work from the police who are looking for the owner of Sam’s car (based on her registration). Apparently it was involved in a massive pile-up but no one is there who seems to account for it. Kevin is very alarmed and immediately offers to help.

(OPPONENT)In another office Derek Knapp, Vice-President of WKCH private security firm and Group Director of Romeo, a security detachment working in Iraq, gets a phone call from a friend in the Army, alerting him to an email with a copy of the debriefing that was just done of Sam about her experience in Iraq. She’s been discharged from the Army but the report suggests that she continues to harbor a grievance due to what she claims happened to her. The friend is basically warning Knapp that Sam might be a loose cannon. Knapp immediately makes a phone call.

(FIRST REVELATION)Carl was abucted by WKCH — At Sam’s home she and Bats get a bunch of gear, including guns and ammo, (Sam gets out of her cammies) and using her laptop hack into the DMV database looking for the registered owners of the black SUVs. Sam recalls the plates partially. Frustrated, she tries a hunch and does a search for vehicles registered to WKCH, Inc. in the local area. She finds the two plates, or what is convincing enough for her to feel that she’s right.

(PLAN) Firefights at WKCH — Sam and Bats realize that they have to break into WKCH’s local offices to see if they can learn where they may have taken Carl.

Units dispatched by Knapp have begun prowling around the city, looking for Sam.

Sam and Bats sneak into the WKCH office building and get into a fire-fight with the guards there. They ably neutralize them and find Knapp’s office. Sam knows who Knapp is, having met him in Iraq in much the same way that she met Carl who was working from the same base as her. Since Knapp isn’t there they figure that his home is the best place to start. Finding a bill in his office they get his home address.

(OPPONENT’S PLAN/COUNTERATTACK)Kevin is with the Police Capt. who is in charge of the car pile-up. When news comes in of a break-in at WKCH, the situation escalates. Knapp shows up as well as he gets involved in the search. He has information (video) of Sam breaking in which confirms who they’re dealing with. Kevin is appalled and fears for what might actually be happening.

The dispatched units arrive at the office building and Sam and Bats have to escape. They run to a nearby construction site and have more fire-fights with SWAT and the WKCH Units until they manage to get away in a stolen car.

(DRIVE) Freeway Chase — They are pursued across the city and Sam drives onto a freeway, causing huge amounts of destruction as she tries to shake off her pursuers. She and Bats cause a lot of mayhem and get away.

Kevin tries calling (has been calling) Sam to talk her down.
(OBSESSIVE DRIVE)
Home Invasion — Sam and Bats find Knapp’s home and his wife and kids. Knapp’s wife is terrified by the home invasion and pleads that Sam not hurt her children. Sam and Bats usher the kids into a room or the neighbor’s (Sam has a moment with the older of the two children, recalling her childhood) and take the wife with them, maybe stuffing her in the trunk of their stolen car, tied and gagged. (Maybe Kevin’s her younger brother, not older.)

Sam finally answers Kevin’s phone call. Kevin tries to get some explanation from Sam as to what’s happening. She claims that Carl has been kidnapped. Kevin is stunned by what he’s hearing and tries to soothe her. But when she says that she’s kidnapped Knapp’s wife, Kevin objects to her actions. She hangs up.(ATTACK BY ALLY)

(AUDIENCE REVELATION) Carl is dead — On their end, Knapp has a momentary freak-out upon learning of his wife’s abduction. He smothers his true feelings and talks to Kevin and the Police Capt. about their next steps. The Police Capt (and Kevin) wonders why there’s a connection between Knapp and Sam.

Knapp looks at Kevin for the answer, manipulating the situation. Kevin reveals that Carl, Sam’s fiancé died in the same rescue attempt that saved her and most of her company from Iraqi insurgents who had captured and tortured them. They discuss what her motives might be but Knapp interrupts and leads them to what might be the best way to lure her to a safe place. Kevin agrees that stabilizing the situation is their first priority. One of them reiterates how important it is that they stop her before she causes any more mayhem.

Knapp explains that Sam believes Carl is alive and that they need to use that to lure her in. Kevin doesn’t like it but he has no alternative. Sam will try to contact Knapp to negotiate an exchange, Knapp’s wife for Carl. Fine, Knapp says. They’ll play along and Kevin can then get close enough to her to help control her, which may include tranquilizing her. Knapp grills Kevin for information, such as if he heard his wife in the background or anything like that. Kevin didn’t.

Knapp makes a phonecall to put a trace on his wife. Kevin and the Police Capt. are startled. Does Knapp’s wife have an implanted chip? Knapp tells them that her diamond Rolex watch does.

So, the plan is to wait for Sam’s phone call and at the same time locate her via the transponder in the watch. Then Kevin can meet Sam and hopefully talk her down, enough so that the police can move in and take her into custody. Knapp gets information on Sam’s current location and they move to intercept her. Knapp also alerts the Units to convene at that location.

Sam and Bats take Knapp’s wife to Sam’s high school. They break in and hole up there. She knows the place, inside and out and finds a good hiding place.

Sam calls Knapp using a number she found in the bill from his office (or she barks it out of the wife…).

Knapp sees the call and ignores it. Kevin and the Police Capt. ask why. Knapp wants to get in position first before giving her the supposed advantage of dictating terms. She won’t expect Kevin to show up so quickly.

Sam complains to Bats that Knapp isn’t answering. Bats asks her what she’s going to do. Sam thinks out loud and comes up with a plan. The wife is either in the trunk of the car or at the high school, or both.

But then more negative thoughts flood in. She hates Knapp and ugly thoughts return. Bats suggests that Sam won’t be allowed to get away with it, too much has happened. Sam knows. Sam wonders if Carl’s even alive, but she stops that thought in its tracks and determines that she’ll just kill Knapp, in the very least. Sam reviews the papers that Carl had in his shoulder bag….

Kevin, Knapp and the police arrive and Knapp suggests that Kevin go to where Sam is hiding and try to talk her down. They give him a walkie-talkie and earpiece to be in communication, in case Sam resists and has to be forcibly removed.

Kevin walks ahead of the SWAT officers who will surround the hiding place. Kevin is trussed up in a kevlar vest.

Sam makes the call again.

Knapp and the rest are watching Kevin approach. The phone rings and rings and just as Kevin is about to enter where Sam is Knapp answers.

Sam spits out some demands Knapp pretends to not know what’s going on. Sam goes through the whole thing, telling him she wants Carl back unhurt in exchange for Knapp’s wife. Knapp suggests that before they go through all that, that she speak to her brother who is right behind her, or something….

(Second Revelation)Kevin is working with Knapp — Sam almost shoots Kevin and Bats is shocked as well. (The wife cowers in the corner, tied and gagged?)

Kevin explains things from his end, but he doesn’t know what Sam knows, particularly about Knapp. She acts betrayed by Kevin and he insists that it’s nothing like that. (Maybe Knapp tells the Police Capt. to keep the SWAT behind a certain perimter, “to give Kevin some space to work…” Maybe he’s had the Units show up before they did….).

Maybe the plan is to…. What is Knapp’s plan? He would like his wife back, but that’s not all that. He wants Sam to be silenced, but just killing people doesn’t work, unless you’re in a war-zone…. But it could be done. Kevin and Sam could be “caught in the crossfire.” There might be a lawsuit and prosecution, but WKCH has a great legal team and Knapp would indemnify them….

THE GAP
(Apparent Defeat) No Carl — ambushed….

(Third Revelation) ?

(Gate, Gauntlet, Visit-to-Death)Sam flashes back to the various hallways she’s traveled through in Iraq when she was held by the insurgents, at the Army base leading to her briefing and now in the high school(?)

(Battle)TBD.

(Self-Revelation)Carl is dead — , the whole thing has been a psychotic break, except for the damage caused.

The story either ends in a Butch Cassidy style tiny room with Sam and Kevin injured and talking… or it ends as drafts 1 and 2 have with Sam tranqed up and in restraints 3 months later with Kevin trying to talk sense to her….

(Moral Decision)Sam retreats into her mind

(New Equilibrium)Clarity for Sam, peace of sorts, return to calm for world.

© The Trubyphiles and “Blunt Force” Copyright 2009 Melton Eduardo Cartes. All other copyrights are those of their respective owners.

Spitballs

• Sam’s company is captured in Iraq by insurgents
• Sam and Co. are tortured (Sam?)
• Sam and Co. are rescued by a team from WKCH and Marines, including Carl
• Carl dies in rescue
• Sam gets debriefed, accuses WKCH’s D. Knapp of rape, Army wants her to say it happened in captivity by Iraqi insurgents, cover-up
• Sam returns home, greeted by Kevin at airport, gets her car
• Sam and Carl drive home
• A tire blows out in vehicle next to hers
• Sam and Carl are in multi-car pile-up, Carl gets abducted by men from black SUVs
• Sam evades/eludes cops, Bats joins her, goes home
• Police contact Kevin for help locating Sam
• Sam/Bats decide to rescue Carl. To do so they have to find where they’re keeping him
• Sam/Bats break into WKCH Corp. H.Q., fight guards
• Kevin helps cops, tries to call Sam
• D. Knapp/WKCH get involved in search, D. Knapp knows Sam, her story
• Sam/Bats escape to nearby construction site
• Sam/Bats are chased on freeway, cause mayhem
• Sam/Bats steal SWAT van
• Sam/Bats find D. Knapp’s home, decide to kidnap him
• Knapp sends unit after Sam
• Police Capt. introduces Kevin to Knapp, Knapp recognizes an opportunity
• Knapp uses Kevin to lure Sam into a trap
• Kevin tells them that she’s having a psychotic break – Carl’s dead
• Kevin explains that Sam needs to be neutralized by creating a safe place for her (goes on TV/radio?)
• Sam/Bats invade Knapp’s home, kidnap his wife, send the kids off to neighbors, drive off
• Sam negotiates an exchange of wife for Carl
• Knapp plays along that he has Carl
• Knapp sends her to WKCH property, a trap
• or Sam insists on place she’s familiar with (High School)
• Kevin is there (help de-escalate her)
• Unit is there too to kill her
• Sam/Bats torture wife (?) threaten to?, not for info.
• Unit Attacks, wife dies, Kevin wounded
• Sam/Bats Kevin escape?
• Sam/Bats Kevin capture Knapp
• Sam/Bats torture Knapp, Kevin objects
• Knapp gets loose, attacks Sam, chokes her
• Kevin shoots Knapp-kills him
• WKCH unit attacks
• Kevin debriefs Sam (in Psych ward)
• Kevin and Sam hole up after barely surviving attack, debriefs Sam
• Sam realizes her error
• Sam retreats into her mind

The 22 Building Blocks

1. Self-
   Revelation, Need, Desire:

   Sam has been denying reality- Carl is dead, she’s caused real hurt, Needs to stop denying reality, Rescue Carl, live happily ever after

2. Ghost/Story World

   Rape, MST (Military Sexual Trauma)/Warfare, Iraq, physical violence

   • Sam’s company is captured in Iraq by insurgents
   • Sam and Co. are tortured (Sam?)
   • Sam and Co. are rescued by a team from WKCH and Marines, including Carl
   • Carl dies in rescue
   • Sam gets debriefed, accuses WKCH’s D. Knapp of rape, Army wants her to say it happened in captivity by Iraqi insurgents, cover-up

3. Weakness/Problem, Need;

   Alone, woman in a man’s world weary, traumatized/Carl kidnapped; Acknowledge reality, deal with it…

   • Sam returns home, greeted by Kevin at airport, gets her car
   • Sam and Carl drive home

4. Inciting incident:

   Blow-out on freeway, pile-up

   • A tire blows out in vehicle next to hers
   • Sam and Carl are in multi-car pile-up, Carl gets abducted by men from black SUVs
   • Sam evades/eludes cops, Bats joins her, goes home

5. First Revelation (moved up in timeline):

   Carl’s been abducted by WKCH

6. Desire:

   Sam/Bats decide to rescue Carl

7. Ally or Allies:

   Police contact Kevin for help locating Sam

8. Opponent/Mystery:

   (This might offer an opportunity, How is Knapp introduced here?) D. Knapp/WKCH private security firm (How about?) Knapp gets a report about Sam’s debriefing and a heads-up from a friend that she might cause trouble, she’s sticking to her story

9. Fake-ally opponent:

   None

10. First Revelation:

11. Plan:

    To do so they have to find where they’re keeping him

    • Sam/Bats break into WKCH Corp. H.Q., fight guards
    • Sam/Bats escape to nearby construction site

12. Opponent’s Plan and main counterattack:

    • Kevin helps cops, tries to call Sam
    • D. Knapp/WKCH get involved in search, D. Knapp knows Sam, her story
    • Knapp sends unit after Sam
    • Police Capt. introduces Kevin to Knapp, Knapp recognizes an opportunity

13. Drive:

    • Sam/Bats are chased on freeway, cause mayhem
    • Sam/Bats steal SWAT van
    • Sam/Bats find D. Knapp’s home, decide to kidnap him
    • Sam/Bats invade Knapp’s home, kidnap his wife, send the kids off to neighbors, drive off
    • Sam/Bats torture wife (?) threaten to?, not for info.

14. Attack by Ally:

    Kevin objects to Sam’s actions

15. Audience Revelation:

    Carl is dead?

    • Kevin tells them that she’s having a psychotic break – Carl’s dead
    • Kevin explains that Sam needs to be neutralized by creating a safe place for her (goes on TV/radio?)
    • Knapp uses Kevin to lure Sam into a trap

16. Apparent Defeat:

17. Obsessive Drive/Second Revelation:

    • Sam negotiates an exchange of wife for Carl
    • Knapp plays along that he has Carl
    • Knapp sends her to WKCH property, a trap
    • or Sam insists on place she’s familiar with (High School)
    • Kevin is there (help de-escalate her)
    • Unit is there too to kill her
    • Unit Attacks, wife dies, Kevin wounded
    • Sam/Bats Kevin escape?
    • Sam/Bats Kevin capture Knapp

18. Apparent Defeat:

    It was a trap, no Carl.

19. Audience Revelation:

20. Third Revelation and decision:

    Sam has not recovered Carl, things have gotten worse

21. Gate, Gauntlet, Visit to Death:

    Sam’s High School (auditorium?)

22. Battle:

23. Self-Revelation:

    Carl is dead, Sam has been denying reality and has hurt many…

24. Moral Decision:

    Retreat into mind

25. New Equilibrium:

    Clarity for Sam, a peace of sorts, return to calm for world

I find this part of screenwriting to be the hardest. Of course, that’s like saying, “The hardest part of brain surgery is the operating inside of the skull part.” Being that as it may, trying to juggle all of the plates that are storytelling is a lot of work and it always comes down to a section that doesn’t seem to meet seamlessly.

Anyway, the next step I think is to just write the synopsis, based on what I have here and see if the simple meditation of doing that doesn’t spark a solution.

© The Trubyphiles and “Blunt Force” Copyright 2009 Melton Eduardo Cartes. All other copyrights are those of their respective owners.

1. Look at the entire character web before creating a symbol for a single character.
2. Begin with the opposition between hero and main opponent.
3. Come up with a single aspect of the character or a single emotion you want the character to evoke in the audience.
4. Consider applying a symbol opposition within the character.
5. Repeat the symbol, in association with the character, many times over the course of the story.
6. Each time you repeat the symbol, vary the detail in some way.

I need to think about this….

I’ve just spent the morning filling in the new 22 Steps for my script and I think what I need to do now is just do some “spitballing” writing. Short form description of the plot and see what percolates from there. Then I can apply what comes up to the 22 Steps.

© The Trubyphiles and “Blunt Force” Copyright 2009 Melton Eduardo Cartes. All other copyrights are those of their respective owners.

This is a very interesting chapter, wherein Truby describes how you should flesh out the world of your story, beginning again with the characters.

“Notice that in this area, storytelling expresses real life by being the reverse of real life. In real life, we are born into a world that already exists, and we must adapt to it. But in good stories, the characters come first, and the writer designs the world to be an infinitely detailed manifestation of those characters.”

This chapter is very complicated for many reasons, not the least of which is that these world elements of the story work exactly opposite to the linear story elements because these are happening simultaneously and in 360 degrees. So, I’ll leave you to read, discover and enjoy it in detail.

However, these are the notes I took when I first read it.

I am considering how closely to model this story after a detective story since Sam in effect is trying to find the truth about Carl’s death. Another possibility is to have Sam be her own narrator as perhaps she literally tells the story in a debriefing or interrogation. We’ll see.

The Story World expressed in one line is: A journey (to find and rescue her fiancé) from one war to another more intense and personal war to a new place of safety.

Value Oppositions and Visual Oppositions

This is the same list as before.

• Sam:

  Independence, love, friendship, connection, power

• D. Knapp:

  Power, strength, money, status, connections, deception

• Kevin:

  Safety, mental-health, security, compassion, love, connection, family, loyalty,

• Bats:

  Loyalty, friendship, action, power, strength, fun, excitement

• Carl:

  Strength, friendship, loyalty, love, connection

• Police Captain:

  Order, routine, procedure, predictability, authority, strength, power

Visual Oppositions

Sam vs. D. Knapp

• Sam: A suburbs girl, American, ordinary
• D. Knapp (and WKCH, Inc.): International, militaristic, corporate and well-funded, mostly white, Republican

Sam vs. Kevin

• Sam: Blue collar
• Kevin: Academic, “tweedy” (by way of Los Angeles)

Sam vs. Bats

• Sam: Cute but plain
• Bats: Urban, more styled and sexy and athletic

Sam vs. Carl

• Sam: Cute and feminine, “football fan”
• Carl: Regular guy, white-American, “football fan”

Sam vs. Police Capt.

• Sam: Female, out of uniform
• Police Capt.: Male, in uniform

Land, People and Technology

The story begins in a war-torn city in Iraq, moves onto a U.S. City (L.A.?) that becomes embroiled in a small, personal war, leading to a final battle in Sam’s high school (familiar territory).

System

Sam is getting out of the military (a system). She’s either a Corporal or a Sergeant.

Natural Setting

Freeway? River?

Weather

Desert/Summer heat?
Summer heat to rain?

Man-made Spaces

Freeway? Auditorium, amphitheater.

Miniatures

I haven’t thought of any yet. But a good example is the train station toy from ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST.

Becoming Big or Small

Nothing…

Passageways

Army debriefing (airport, jetway?)
Freeway
Break-in at WKCH
Hallway at High School

Technology

Weapons, the internet (Google)

Hero’s Change or World Change

By the end, Sam has defeated D. Knapp/WKCH but the cost make her retreat into her mind. Her world is destroyed (and reborn) while the real world is at peace (calm) and allowed to rebuild.

Seasons

One day (18 hours) – Summer?

Holiday or Ritual

4th of July, Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day? (the day populates the world with military icons and reminders)
Maybe event at High School

Visual Seven Steps

Sam’s Problem/Ghost:

MST and Hostage in Iraq

Weakness or Need:

Sam’s High School

Desire:

Home with Carl?

Opponent:

Army/WKCH Bases, office H.Q., Construction site

Visit to Death:

(Memorial Day on TV…)

Battle:

High School Auditorium?

Freedom or Slavery:

Sam is in a sunny simple world of clear distinctions, “us” and “them.”

© The Trubyphiles and “Blunt Force” Copyright 2009 Melton Eduardo Cartes. All other copyrights are those of their respective owners.